Go Directly To Hell

Today's senseless baby death comes from (of course) Flori-duh and involves a *rolls dice* woman who was *rolls dice* angry that her baby was crying while *rolls dice* she was playing Farmville on Facebook and so she *rolls dice* shook him to death. Dislike.

It's just as sick and disgusting as it sounds. According to the New York Daily News, a one 22-year old (and old enough to know better) Alexandra V. Tobias has has pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the shaking death of her 3-month old son, Dylan Lee Edmondson. See, she was playing freaking Farmville on Facebook and eventually "...confessed to losing her temper while trying to concentrate on the game." Trying to concentrate on the game? It's freaking FARMVILLE. But regardless of how much concentration it did or did not require, shouldn't you have been paying more attention to your baby in the first place? Yeah, I think you are. Moron.

Just so it's clear what a piece of shoe scum this woman is, "...she confessed to shaking the baby, smoking a cigarette to calm down and then shaking the baby again." Sooo, apparently that cigarette didn't do a whole lot of calming down, eh? Wow, lady. You really are a nutjob. But, really, have I been clear enough on what a horrible and useless individual this woman is? Not quite? Well, when the baby was taken to the hospital, he was found to have "...head injuries and a broken leg". And "Doctors said the infant died from "abusive head trauma." What in the hell is wrong with you?

You shook the kid so hard that you broke his freaking leg?! He was three months old, you bitch. And all because you had to "concentrate" on your G-D farm that isn't even real! There's a special place in hell for people like her and the sooner she gets to it, the better as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, and by the way, she looks just about like you'd expect her to. Behold!

By the way, cupcake...there isn't Farmville in prison. Enjoy!

The Worst Cartoon Ever

The awesome folks over there at Urlesque had a little feature called "13 Old Cartoons You Didn't Think Anyone Else Watched". It was awesome. But after reading it and watching some of the old cartoons, I'm fairly convinced that no one watched them. That is, except The Ant and The Aardvark, which aired during episodes of The Pink Panther. That was awesome. The rest of those cartoons are simply crap.

But the one which I found to be absolutely awful as well as inexplicable was The Gary Coleman Show. Yes. That is correct. The Gary Coleman Show. From what I can tell, the Gary Coleman character is an angel that is sent back down to earth by some school marm looking angel who wears gladiator sandals (which is strange since she's an angel and lives in the clouds where there really isn't a pressing need for footwear). I guess he's supposed to do good deeds. I'm not really sure. I'm more interested in what the story was behind the dead kid, but I don't really think that they got into that very much back then. (By the way, I'm merely assuming that he's a small child in this cartoon. For all I know, he could have been an adult. Hard to tell with that guy.)

The point here is that is appears to have been terrible and I cannot believe that anyone watched it. Actually, I can't believe that anyone thought that this thing was a good idea in the first place. Who comes up with these things? What was it that made someone think that what the world was clamoring for at the time was a Gary Coleman cartoon where he's an angel? And after whoever it was voiced this opinion, who in the world was it that agreed with that individual?

I've included a sample of this madness below. It's only the opening credits, but it's enough for you to grasp just how horrible it was (and still is, in a way). If you need some of the actual crap show, do a You Tube search. There are a few on there for you to gape in amazement at.

Remedial Tattooing 101

Why do people get tattoos that suck? I don't mean that they're just weird or not my type or something like this:

Clearly, that man is getting ready for a crime spree like no other. That is, assuming that he hasn't just finished one. What the flock is that all about? Regardless, the point here is that even though I don't quite understand the meaning of it all, nor why someone would want to get that tattooed on their body (much less their head/facial region), it's not poorly done. Poorly thought out? Absolutely. Without question. But there is some effort that went into it. Can you say the same for this?:

I'm guessing you cannot. There are several issues with this tattoo, first and foremost being this chap's proclamation of his small unit. But it's just all wrong. The spacing between the "I" and the "HAVE" is almost non-existent. The font or the printing looks like my dog did it. What were you thinking, sir? (I'm guessing he was either really drunk or he lost a bet.) And who is that for, really? I don't want to know. Kind of like how I don't want to know what's going on with this tattoo. Behold!

Can you come up with any reason why there is a mohawk-ed creature with possibly only one arm, one leg and a misshapen manhood curled up underneath someone's man teat while flying saucers attack from the left? I'm only guessing about the flying saucers. I suppose they could be piles of poo. But the thing is that if it weren't so poorly drawn, there wouldn't be all of these questions. OK, fine. There'd be less questions. If your tattoo artist can't draw, what say you just forego any illustrations and just stick with text, like this bad boy did:

Hmm. I suppose I should have also added to make sure your tattoo artist is older than five and isn't using what appears to have been a sharpened Bic ballpoint. Was this picture taken before it was totally done, or is this it? I'm confused as to why the D in "bad" isn't finished yet. It looks like BAC BOYS FOR LIFE. What's a bac boy? Wait. Maybe that's how the subject of this next tattoo says "bad boy". Meet Asian Elvis!

I have no idea what went wrong there. Did the person want an Asian Elvis tattoo? I'm having a hard time imagining what would possess someone to want something like that on purpose. Granted, I am totally guessing that it's even supposed to BE Elvis. I have no idea. It could be anyone. Asian Elvis. Asian Nixon. Asian Bono. I have no idea. At least this guy didn't have a tattoo artist who couldn't draw or print. No, that was the case of this next unfortunate dimwit.

OK, I don't even know what that is, much less what in the heck it is supposed to mean.

You ate McdoNald2

2

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What is that creature underneath there? Half rat, half reindeer? Two-legged sloth? It looks like alcohol was involved in more ways than one with that tattoo. It's really not making his bacne look any better. Just as the one below isn't doing much to detract from the guy's male pattern baldness.

I...I...I really don't know what to say. Was this man getting too much sex and so he had to take action to make sure that he never had any ever again? I can't imagine. Just as I can't imagine what possessed someone to get this on his ankle:

That is one sad snowman. "F**k no" is what that sign should read. Did someone pee on him? That's just wrong. And horribly done. As is this homage to the American porch sitter:

Yes, I realize that we can tell what it is, but that doesn't make it right. It looks like hell and the proportions are wrong. Not to mention that I'm sort of wondering why it only has three legs. But it's the same reason why I'm wondering why this next one only has one arm, not to mention what appears to be some sort of crown in what has to be the saddest kingdom ever.

That dragon thing looks stoned. Is he chewing gum? Where's his other arm? So many questions...so, so many questions.