Go Directly To Hell

Today's senseless baby death comes from (of course) Flori-duh and involves a *rolls dice* woman who was *rolls dice* angry that her baby was crying while *rolls dice* she was playing Farmville on Facebook and so she *rolls dice* shook him to death. Dislike.

It's just as sick and disgusting as it sounds. According to the New York Daily News, a one 22-year old (and old enough to know better) Alexandra V. Tobias has has pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the shaking death of her 3-month old son, Dylan Lee Edmondson. See, she was playing freaking Farmville on Facebook and eventually "...confessed to losing her temper while trying to concentrate on the game." Trying to concentrate on the game? It's freaking FARMVILLE. But regardless of how much concentration it did or did not require, shouldn't you have been paying more attention to your baby in the first place? Yeah, I think you are. Moron.

Just so it's clear what a piece of shoe scum this woman is, "...she confessed to shaking the baby, smoking a cigarette to calm down and then shaking the baby again." Sooo, apparently that cigarette didn't do a whole lot of calming down, eh? Wow, lady. You really are a nutjob. But, really, have I been clear enough on what a horrible and useless individual this woman is? Not quite? Well, when the baby was taken to the hospital, he was found to have "...head injuries and a broken leg". And "Doctors said the infant died from "abusive head trauma." What in the hell is wrong with you?

You shook the kid so hard that you broke his freaking leg?! He was three months old, you bitch. And all because you had to "concentrate" on your G-D farm that isn't even real! There's a special place in hell for people like her and the sooner she gets to it, the better as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, and by the way, she looks just about like you'd expect her to. Behold!

By the way, cupcake...there isn't Farmville in prison. Enjoy!

I Like It To Make Sense

With 500,000,000 "members" on Facebook, can't they do something useful with that sort of base? I mean something really useful. Not something that's fake-useful. (By the way, I use the quotes around members because the number of accounts is different than the number of people who actually use the service on a consistent basis. See, I can do that when I'm not one of those who benefits from trumped up numbers. But either way, it's still an enormous buttload of people.) How about if I amend that request? How about if instead of asking if Facebook users could do something useful I instead ask if Facebook users could just stop doing things that do absolutely nothing, all the while pretending as if they're saving the world from certain destruction. (Trust me. Certain destruction doesn't sound that bad when the alternative is surviving with a bunch of morons that just blindly follow something without giving any thought to what they're doing.)

Here's the scoop: A certain status update has been going viral on Facebook. It's women who are blindly doing the updating without stopping to think a) Why am I doing this, and/or b) Why am I doing this? It goes something like this: The status starts off with "I like it on the" and then women are supposed to fill in the blank with where they like it. Like what, you ask? Why, where they like their purse, of course. Wait. Wait. Their...purse? Yes. Their purse. Melissa Bell over at the Washington Post explains it "Women are posting where they like to keep their purses when they come home, but they conveniently leave out the word "purse." Oh. Ha-ha. Is there a reason for this? Of course there is, silly! It's for breast cancer. Wait. What?

Correct. Breast cancer. According to The Huffington Post (which sites other references) "October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and the "I like it on" trend is an attempt for women to unite around that cause in a top secret way. The idea is figuratively to leave men in the dark." Um, this might be one of the stupidest "feel good" things that I have heard about in quite some time.

First of all, how does posting where you like to keep your purse (assuming that you carry a purse) help raise awareness for breast cancer? And second, how is leaving men in the dark about it helping anything at all? (I realize that it's a small percentage, but it isn't like men don't get breast cancer also.) Is it just women who should be concerned about breast cancer? Assuming that this was even a legitimate tool for raising awareness, why is it that men should be excluded from all of the being aware? Explain to me how it is that men should be excluded from caring about breast cancer? Explain to me how it is that men are not affected by breast cancer? Better yet, explain to some guy whose wife has breast cancer how breast cancer awareness should exclude him.

I'd love to hear from anyone who actually posted this on their status so that they could tell me not where they like their damn purse, but what did they think was going to be accomplished by their going along with it? I'd like to know if they in some way felt smarter by posting it or if the goal was just to feel smarter than the men who had no idea what it could possibly mean (and who, stereotypically, just jumped to the assumption that it was about sex). Thank God that the folks who have been actually been doing actual things to raise awareness about breast cancer didn't run their campaigns with inane Facebook statuses.

Listen, if you want to raise awareness about something, what say you tell folks what it is that you want them to know, OK? Wouldn't you raise more awareness about breast cancer by simply posting on your status "October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now you know."? Or something like that? I'm sure that you probably would, but that wouldn't be nearly as cutesy as where you like your damned purse. We're so doomed. So, so doomed.

Facebook Is Down! Facebook Is Down!

Yesterday, the Facebook went down for a few hours. You would have thought that time had stood still, judging from some of the reactions on the Innerwebs. Fortunately for us, some folks took to Twitter when they were FB-less and some of them used their 140 characters or less to provide us with amusement.

Take a one TheDollSays who took to tweeting in order to bring us this gem:

Would not have surprised me a bit if that really happened. Not a bit. Something called OPB realized that Facebook being down was just what this country needed.

Something called MTVClutch realized that without the Facebook, we are really going to miss out on some pertinent information about folks.

A one Misty Mills took this opportunity to, once and for all, explain what in the world Twitter is for.

And this poor Kingsleyyy chap is very upset about being sans Facebook. He blames it on the upcoming movie about Facebook's (alleged) creator, Mark Zuckerberg.

All I know is that if someone ever asks me where I was during the great Facebook outage of 2010, they're going to get punched. It was two hours, people! Get a grip!

It's Spelled M-O-S-Q-U-E

Here's a fun little site I learned about today. It's called Openbook. It sort of allows you to have a gander around Facebook by searching for any particular word(s) that you'd like. Granted, it is only able to search those Facebook profiles where the people have not set their privacy settings in a way that would not able their profile to be searched. And folks that don't care about their privacy settings really don't care about their privacy. That means that they'll post just about whatever. And whatever do they post.

I read somewhere on the Internets that getting a glimmer of how people on Facebook feel about the mosque that may be built by Ground Zero is an amusing way to pass some time. Simply type "mosk" into the search box on Openbook and read the results that come up. So I did. I also searched for variations on that them. That is, the misspelling of mosque. Let's look at the results, shall we? You're probably going to have to click on the images to make them bigger. Blogger has it's limits and apparently making screen captures from Openbook able to be read is one of them.

Let's see...Oh, from Alexis. "Obama isn't Muslim. Even if he was, that shouldn't matter anyway. The rednecks need to get over themselves. And btw, I'm for the mosk near Ground Zero. The Muslims didn't do crap to WTC families, it was the Taliban. Get your facts straight!"

Well, she's close. Taliban...al Qaeda...close enough. She is right, however, that President Barry is not a Muslim. She's also right that folks should get their facts straight. See the Taliban reference. Moving on, to Brad's words of wisdom. "OK, this whole moske thing and yes I know I spelled it wrong but I dont care. Yes they do have every legal righ to build it on ground zero but its quite unethical to do it. You wouldnt see us building a church on heroshema or auswitz. And I am sick of hearing about it."

You tell 'em, Brad! Good points bringing up heroshema and auswitz, too! Hard to argue with that (but that's only because I don't know what the heck he's talking about). Next up is Landis who says: "Ground zero might be at risk cuz they want to build a mossque thats a memerial for those who died if u care about those ppl who lost there lives respost this".

She's awfully confused in several aspects. Spelling and punctuation being only a couple of them. How is Ground Zero at risk if the mossque gets built? Does that mean that the World Trade Center buildings will magically reappear? I don't think that's what it means. Then again, I don't know that she is really all that sure what it means either. (The scary part was that it sounded like she was actually trying to explain it to people) But maybe Nancy knows what she means. Let's see...hmm...it reads: "jonmanncnn jonathan mann developing story from irak war their legancy is islam and the builing of moske on ground zero. Anna coren reporting".

Then again, maybe she doesn't. Really? We've been in Iraq for years now. You still don't know how to spell it? And what in the world is a legancy? Never mind. I don't want to know. Kind of in the same way I don't want to know much more about Peggy's point of view, expressed as "their building a mosk for arabs over ground 0...ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!!?!?"

I'd like to know why she had all of the time for the abundance of exclamation points and question marks, but couldn't find the time to type out the word zero. I wonder if she would express the same disbelief if someone told her that it's they're, mosque and Arabs. Perhaps. Actually, I'm guessing she would. But she's not alone in thinking that the mosque would go right on top of Ground Zero. Russ thinks the same thing and says, "I vote to kick our current president out of office solely on the basis of him wanting to put a moske right where the twin towers used to be.! I mean... WHAT AN IGNORAMIS!!!"

Yes. What an ignoramus, indeed. Speaking of those who might be an ignoramus, Stephen enlightens all of us with this nugget of knowledge: "Oh, you Angelenos with your Emmys and your Glees, what about the MOSK?"

Who should break it to him that Glee isn't an award? Or that Emmy isn't a show? I just know that I can't do it. Nor can I take much more of this. One more. Let's hit 'er, home, William! "Well I agree with the Presadent, Musslems shude be alwoed to build a Mossk near ground zero. To denie them that constitunel right, would make us no beter then the people who attaked us in the first place. besides last time I checked it was alkida that attacked us not Islam".

Typing that out made my head hurt. I'm going to look into who this alkida person is. Sounds like one of Superman's enemies. Alkida from the planet Mossk. Keep your eye out for 'em. And keep your eye out for these folks, too. They're clearly not well.

Keep Your Second Wife OFF Of Facebook

There's dumb and then there's just asinine. But what is it when you've gone past dumb and past asinine? Are you just so incapable of understanding anything at all and how it works that there isn't really a name for it? Or is the word that I'm looking for as simple as "idiot" or "moron"? It probably is, but this just seems like it require just a little bit more than either one of those. It's almost like the don't do the story justice, especially when the story is how a woman found out through Facebook that her husband had another wife. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to WKYC in Cleveland, the woman, "Megan" as she preferred to be called for the story because she didn't want her real name used (nor did she want her humiliation to be spread far and wide and directly attributed to her), married her husband in 2005 in a ceremony in Italy. (I have no idea why WKYC thought that was relevant to the story, but they included it and so I did the same. If only they had questioned the relevance as I had, they might not have felt the need to include it at all.) After that "She knew her husband took a lot of business trips. Now she knows why." And while that's not entirely accurate (it's not like he was really on business trips, WKYC. Try to pay attention, would you?), his being gone a lot was explained when "Her relatives pointed her to the other woman's Facebook page where Megan discovered multiple photos of her husband and the woman together." Oh. Whoops.

Yeah. Whoops. Now, it's not like "Megan" didn't have some questions about what was going on in their marriage. "Megan said she first became suspicious when her husband claimed to have been in China and even brought back gifts for the kids yet his passport had been at home the entire time." It's unfortunate that the story doesn't delve more into how that was deal with in Megan's household. It seems a little difficult to explain, as that passport for international travel is pretty necessary. (Unless you're going to the United States, in which case just come on in like millions of other folks do every year.) But the media is crap these days, so what did I really expect?

I'll tell you what I expected. I expected people to be a little more discerning about what goes on their freaking Facebook page. But I guess this sort of thing happens all the time. What a weak act you people are. Seriously. You don't have the guts to just leave someone or to tell them that you're leaving? Instead, you leave it up to them to "accidentally" find out through pictures that were posted on Facebook? Seriously. Would you not know that there are people on your Facebook who are relatives or friends with the one of the other people involved in this and who will be seeing what is on your Facebook page? Or that of the whore that you're sleeping with? What is wrong with you people?

And it's not like just having the affair and having those pictures posted was enough for this guy and his extramarital bimbo. No, "A few weeks later, dozens of wedding photos also showed up on Facebook showing Megan's husband and his new bride." Dude. You're already married. You think that isn't going to come out at some point? Let me rephrase that, you moron. You think that this isn't going to come out at some point AFTER pictures of your SECOND wedding are posted on Facebook while you're still MARRIED? How can one be so dense and yet somehow manage to keep themselves alive through adulthood? It's a mystery.

Naturally, Megan wants a divorce. Her husband, not being all that bright to begin with, says "he doesn't believe he needs a divorce because he learned after the fact that the marriage paperwork was never filed correctly in Italy and therefor they were never married." Tell you what. How about if you don't get a divorce, but you let Megan go all Lorena Bobbit on you? That seems fair.

Look, I don't know about you, but I cannot imagine having an affair if I was in a relationship, let alone if I were married. It sounds simply awful to me. Not because of the deceit that is obviously present when something like that is going on, but because of the effort. It sounds positively exhausting. Trying to keep stories straight, trying to keep lies straight, trying not to get caught, trying to keep everyone happy, etc. Good Lord, why on earth would anyone voluntarily enter into such a mess? And this guy got MARRIED. TWO wives! Isn't one wife enough?! Isn't one wife plenty?! Isn't one wife more than enough on some days?

Facebook Fan Page Frivolity

We all know that we're doomed. And what better way to exemplify said doomage than with a silly observation on Facebook. Oh, but it's not just an observation that I made. No, it was one that was made by the fair and balanced folks over there at Fox News made. And that alone is definitely another sign that we're doomed.

Here's the deal: The other day, it was the first time that a living person hit the 10-million fan mark on Facebook. Now, I would have expected that person to have been either Oprah or President Barry. Turns out, Oprah is no where near the ten million mark on Facebook. Not even close. She only has around 1.5 million fans. That's nothing. And actually, President Barry is in second place with around 9,557,061 fans as of this writing. And while that's nothing to be ashamed of, it kind of is when you're trailing to none other than (wait for it) Lady Gaga. Wait. What now?

Correct. More people are Facebook fans of the freakish (and freakishly talented) Lady Gaga than they are of President Barry. Seriously? Not that I'm thinking that it would be a good idea if President Barry had ten million fans. I'm just thinking that it would be better than Lady Gaga having ten million fans. I mean, sixty million or so people voted for the guy. Why can't he get more people to fan him on Facebook? Oh, right. Because Facebook is stupid. I forgot. Sorry.

But what might be worse than Lady Gaga having the most fans and President Barry having the second most fans is who has the third most fans. Now, you already know that it's not Oprah, so that's a hint. (Not really. You're never going to guess.) And remember, this is for the fans of a living person. Wacko Jacko has over 13 million, but he doesn't count because the last time he uttered "This is it", he really meant it! I'm just going to give it to you. Ready? You're not. Trust me. It's Vin Diesel. (See? Told you!)

Vin Diesel? Are you kidding me? Has the guy ever even had a decent movie? Oh, The Fast and The Furious wasn't that great. Get over it. He's not even an overly attractive dude. He's not a mutant or anything, but come on! What is the appeal of Vin Diesel?! Please, someone tell me! I have no idea!

Oh. Wait a minute. Apparently, President Barry has dropped to third place. That's right. Vin Diesel now has more Facebook fans than Savior Obama does. Good Lord, who is in fourth place? Megan Fox? Oh, well, President Barry better start getting used to fourth place, because if he can be surpassed by Vin Diesel, he sure as heck doesn't stand a chance with a woman with as nice of a rack as Ms. Fox has.

And speaking of Fox, let me just thank Fox News one more time for bringing us this utterly unimportant story and pretending like it's news. Yeah, thanks for nothing.

Comedy Central, Meet Facebook

I think an introduction is in order. Comedy Central? Please meet Facebook. Facebook? Please meet Comedy Central. The two of you have an awful lot in common. Dumbassery being the prominent trait that led me to believe that you guys should hook up. Both of you, Comedy Central and Facebook, saw it completely appropriate to censor "images" of the "prophet" Muhammed because it was "offensive to Muslims". The two of you should be very happy together. Morons.

Here's the latest: You might remember (or not, I don't really know) about a month or so ago, Comedy Central heavily censored an episode of the perpetually offensive to humans (and simultaneously hilarious to humans as well) cartoon which is not for children (it's barely for adults) South Park. The episode in question allegedly depicted the alleged prophet, Muhammed, in a big bear suit. Apparently, even though it was a cartoon and even though no one has any idea what Muhammed looks like and even though no one really even saw Muhammed because he was IN the cartoon bear suit, it was still deemed "offensive" to Muslims. Really?

I'm really hard pressed for a time in my life when I have honestly been "offended". Even the folks who leave moronic comments on this blog don't offend me. Actually, those really amuse me. (My favorite was the one guy who called me an "ignorant and ethnocentric blogger". Can you believe that? Blogger?!) But really, lots of things that lots of people do every day are offensive. So why is it that when the extremist Muslim community gets offended do some people even bother paying attention and attempt to placate their wishes with censorship? Because they get rather 'splodey when they're offended.

See, when the Muslim extremists get all upset, their solution is death. Just kill the infidel who has wronged them and things will be fine. And there is no reasoning with those folks because they believe (or justify) that they're doing what they're doing in the name of religion. You really can't argue people out of their beliefs (no matter how bass-ackwards they are) that easily. I guess that's why Facebook got all censor-y on us.

There was a Facebook page called "Everybody Draw Muhammed Day" and it promoted everybody drawing Muhammed on May 20th as a protest in light of Comedy Central censoring South Park because of veiled death threats directed at the creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Apparently, a couple of weeks ago, Pakistan blocked all access to Facebook because of the page. They found it to be blasphemous. To which I say, "Whatever." But apparently, that's just me because Facebook said (in essence), "Oh, my God (Allah), you're offended?! You're going to block all access to Facebook because of that page? Well, we'll take it down right away! We are sorry. Please unblock access so that we may continue to enjoy revenue from ads we place on the site via information that we sell." I was paraphrasing, of course, but you get the drift.

According to the huffy folks over there at The Huffington Post, a one Majibullah Malik (pronounce that however you'd like), who is the secretary of the information technology ministry in Pakistan, "In response to our protest, Facebook has tendered their apology and informed us that all the sacrilegious material has been removed from the URL." Tendered their apology? What in the world were they apologizing for, exactly?

Malik also claimed that "Facebook assured the Pakistani government that nothing of this sort will happen in the future." Nothing of what sort? Free speech? I've got news for you, Pakistan. I don't give a fat rat's ass what you think. Why in the world Facebook does, I'm not quite sure. But what I do know is that the folks that run Facebook are a bunch of pansies (I wanted to use the other "P" word, but I'm trying to lend a bit of credibility to my argument so that I don't come across as simply hot-headed. That's not to say that I'm not. Oh, I've built up a full head of steam over this one.)

And get this: "Anger over the Facebook controversy also prompted the Pakistani government to block access to YouTube briefly, saying there was growing sacrilegious content on the video sharing website. The government restored access to YouTube last week but said it would continue to block videos offensive to Muslims that are posted on the site." I guess I find it interesting that they're only interested in blocking videos that are offensive to Muslims. Have you been to YouTube lately? There's something on there to offend just about every kind of human being on the planet. Reading the comments alone are enough to lower your IQ by about 10 to 20 points. There are over two billion videos on YouTube. Watching every single one of them start to finish, front to back, would take over 200 years. Good luck blocking all of those "offensive to Muslim" videos, Pakistan. Good luck with that.

What I don't get is if they can just block offensive videos on YouTube, why couldn't they just block the "offensive" page on Facebook? I mean, seriously, it's not like that's the ONLY page on Facebook that would be "offensive" to Muslims. That's the other reason why I don't understand why Facebook removed it. There are plenty more out there that would fall into the "offensive" category. Of course, Facebook could not be reached for comment. (Ironic, considering the purpose of Facebook is to continually share information. Yet, we can't get in touch with Facebook when we want to. Again, I say, "Whatever.")

This has got to stop. Freedom of speech is one of the most important concepts that is necessary for a truly free society to exist. What part of that do people not understand? When did people start getting so freaking soft that just because one group starts whining that they don't like something and implying that folks are going to die for it that people start apologizing and caving into their demands? When did this happen?

The face that Facebook took down that page shows them to be ridiculously hypocritical. They're always talking about the freedom to share information. Well, hey, dipwads! What do you think that "Everybody Draw Muhammed Day" page was doing? Sharing information, that is correct! But that isn't relevant because a bunch of folks in one of the crazy sand lands are "offended"?! Are you kidding me?! What in the world do I care what Pakistan thinks about Facebook? That's right! I DON'T care! You know why? Because they're Pakistan! And because it's a freedom of speech issue!

Good Lord, my head hurts. We're doomed. And screwed. Scroomed. We're scroomed, I tell you.