They Wore What To The Emmys 2010?

It's time for the Emmy awards again. That means it's time for a brief look at some of the fashions that were worn last night. And as always, I will issue my disclaimer that I am far from a fashion monger. Fashion mongrel would be more like it. Never the less, I intend to relay what it was that I saw there last night (via the Internets).

Here we have who appears to be Jack Nicholson as The Joker. Behold!

What's that? It's not The Joker? It's really someone I've never heard of named Maria Menounos? Huh. My apologies, both to Mr. Nicholson and Ms. Menounos. Well, moving on....let's see. Oh! OK, so I haven't watched Entertainment Tonight in quite some time (if ever), but I don't remember Mary Hart looking anything like this:

Wow. It appears that she could barely bring herself to tone down her big hair from the 80s. Nice try, though. And I kind of feel like I had seen that dress on someone else at the Emmys. Who was it? Oh, I know! January Jones. Behold!

Yeah, see, she just kind of ripped the front of it off there. Other than that, it looks remarkably similar. I'm just glad that it's January Jones with the ripped off front dress and not Mary Hart. That's all I have to say about it. But it's not quite all I have to say about Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon. Behold!

Mr. Bacon looks the same as he always does. How does he do that? Ms. Sedgwick looks generally lovely in that eggplant colored dress. She appears to be carrying a clutch purse that is made out of a giant kidney bean. Seriously, what on earth can you even fit in something like that? Not much? Not even the kidney beans after which it was modeled, I'd imagine. Wait! Maybe she has the rest of Heidi Klum's dress in there!

From the looks of it, Heidi Klum's entire dress could have fit in that kidney bean purse of Kyra's. There is not much there, is there? I'm not saying that she should dress like Betty White or anything, but come on! Oh, speaking of Betty White, here she is looking radiant and wearing what is seemingly an obligatory lipstick shade for elderly women.

I don't know what it is with the over-70 set of ladies, but they love them a nice bright red lipstick, that's for sure. They wear it everywhere and with everything. I would imagine that they would even wear it to the wedding of the couple below. Oh. Never mind. That's not a wedding couple. That's Ty Burrell and his wife Holly. Yeah, he looks like he's getting married and she looks like the car that they would drive away in together. Odd. Maybe it's their first time at the Emmys. Or out in public. Something.

Both Kim Kardashian...

...and Anna Paquin (seen below) decided to go with either what appears to be some sort of an Egyptian themed gown or what appears to be some sort of gladiator style gown. I really can't tell which it's supposed to be. But I'm sure that it's one of those. I can't imagine that they were just looking that way without basing the look upon something.


And finally, let's wrap this up with the absolutely stunning Lauren Graham who is wearing...um, well, she's wearing....see, it's kind of...well...oh, forget it. I don't know what in the hell this is. Behold!

Let's see if I can decipher this. No. No, I can't. It appears as if she is wearing a dress with what could be a diaper draped over her upper torso and right shoulder. Maybe a small bed sheet. I don't know. I don't know what would possess anyone to wear that on purpose. Ooh! Maybe she lost a bet! Hard to say. But I do know that she is super talented and super hot and I'm sure that she'll be around again for the Emmys next year. Let's hope she's over this look by then.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

I like sports, but I'm not all that thrilled with golf. I used to play golf. I thought I hated it. Turns out, I only hated the guy that I was dating at the time who wanted me to play golf with him. Once I got rid of him, started drinking and rented a cart, golf had much more of an appeal to me. But I digress. The point here is that if there is a major tournament, I might check out a little bit of coverage, just to see how it's going. This week is the British Open and boy am I glad that I did check it out. If I hadn't, I would have missed John Daly in this photo of all of the previous British Open winners. Behold!

Uh, one of these things is not like the others. As confusing as the choice to wear that jacket is, John Daly looks even more confused. Is he back on the sauce? That's not the facial expression, nor the fashion statement of a sober individual. And I would really be doing the whole photo a disservice if I didn't comment on the Farmer Forehead tan that Tiger Woods seems to be sporting there. The guy on the other side of John seems to have the same affliction. But not Lee Trevino down there in the middle at the bottom. Granted, he is unnaturally tan for a 70 year old, but at least it appears to be uniform.

So I started looking back at some of John Daly's fashion choices throughout the years. Hoo-boy! While it was good to know that it's not all that unusual for John to make some interesting choices for what to wear, it still wasn't overly comforting that he chooses these things in the first place. Let's look at some of them, shall we?

Here's John early in his career. He doesn't look horrible. Granted, donning an Indian blanket as one's shirt isn't the most advisable wardrobe selection, but it's going to look tame compared to some of his later looks. (Look at how thin he was, too. Ahh, but those days were few and far between.)

In the photo below, he's still young, yet seems to be getting prepped for that humongous gut that he'll be dragging around with him for years to come. Again, it's not horrible. It's sort of a Christmas sweater sort of look. And it might be his last time looking somewhat presentable.

Yellow will play a part in many of John's outfits. Like here with this inexplicable tartan pattern. (I think that's tartan. I skipped textiles in high school.)

Here he is in more yellow...and apparently on a break from clown college.

Top to bottom yellow, not to mention a crazy hippie-dippy-trippy flower power pattern, never advisable. Ever.

It's even less advisable in orange.

Here he is looking like a pissed off and gay Bill Parcells. Nice man-hoots, John. Nice bright orange man-hoots. Good Lord...no one wants to see that. Er, those. Whatever. It's hideous.


Twister, anyone?

Whenever John can't find his own pants, he apparently just borrows some from the lead singer of Warrant.

Look, when John Daly is playing well enough that it doesn't matter how he dresses, that's fine. But he's really going to have to be on his A-game if he wants to be able to justify the ensemble below. Ever.

Hairy, Nipple-less Models in Berlin

I've never understood fashion shows. It's mainly because the stuff that they're showcasing always seems so unfashionable to me. Hats that are four feet wide. Space boots with a 9-inch stiletto heel. Men wearing plaid skorts. I always look at the stuff and can never think of anyone who would wear it, nor any situation in which it could be worn. Things were a little different this time at Berlin Fashion Week, but not in a way that helped me warm up to any of the ensembles that were displayed.

This time, a one Patrick Mohr came up with outfits that I found to be something that someone might actually wear in real life. It's just unfortunate that he chose to have them go down the catwalk being clad on someone who I don't even think exists in real life. At least, I pray that they don't exist in real life. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? Yeah, it's kind of hard for me to say, exactly. It appears to be a slightly anorexic albino woman who has misplaced her nipples. She also seems to be in desperate need of a Schick razor. A hat wouldn't hurt. I doubt it would help much, but it certainly couldn't hurt. I'm not sure what look he was going for, but he did it for all of his items at this particular show. Behold!

Hmmm. I see a trend. Still rather anorexic looking. Definitely still bald. Obviously still sporting feline-like whiskers for some reason. But again, wearing something that could be worn by a regular person. Which further asks the question as to why he felt the need to have such an irregular person wearing the items. Are there more? Of course there are! Did you really think I'd stop after only two? Behold!

Yes, yes, it seems fairly clear that this is definitely a look that he is going for. The baldness. The overgrown facial hair. The presumably absent nipples. It's very clear that it's intentional. What isn't so clear is why it's intentional.

It's inexplicable. (Completely without splick!) In the one below, he seems to have added a skull cap...and part of a skull! It's like the he-she is from another planet. One that appears to be warm and requires a nice airy tank top in order to stay cool.

But do you see what I'm saying about the clothing being pretty normal? Usually, the clothing at these types of shows are anything but normal. And don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm saying that the models that these shows are usually normal. Because we all know that they're not. But at least they have hair! And at least they also appear to have shaved sometime during the past twelve months. Unless the he-she below who appears to have sprouted a full grown beard, sideburns and a moustache to compliment the abnormally long, cat-like whiskers. I don't know what the message is that Patrick is trying to send, but it I wish he'd send it with a little more hair on the top of the head and a little less hair on the sides of the head. And while he's at it, could he put their nipples back? That would help. Because the way that he has these models looking is a little unnerving is what it is.