Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout, Shannon?

Shannon Price, who was married to Gary Coleman, might just be one of those gifts that keeps on giving. Now, as Mark pointed out in yesterday's post, could "...we really expect a woman who would marry Gary Coleman to be within 5 ZIP codes of normal?" Point taken (and very well made)! Yeah, shocking that the woman who married Gary Coleman is a little strange (pun probably intended).

But strange is becoming a bit of an understatement these days. First, there was the rather odd 911 call that she made where she seemed to spend a great deal of the time telling the 911 operator what was wrong with her and what her problems were. Meanwhile, her husband lay bleeding on the floor downstairs, but she couldn't go down there because she finds blood to be icky (I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that's about the gist of it). And now there is the interview that she granted to TMZ.

I can only imagine that TMZ paid this dim, dim individual a substantial amount of money to do this interview. And when I say "substantial", I mean substantial in the terms of what someone who was married to Gary Coleman would think is substantial. I'm guessing $10k. Maybe $20k. Not more than $25k. It could be as low as $5,000. I have the feeling that any of those amounts would seem like a million to that chick.

Now, I wouldn't expect someone whose husband had just died to be doing an interview so soon. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't expect them to be doing an interview before the deceased is even placed into the ground. (Please see below for an extremely tasteless image as to what his personalized coffin might look like. What? Too soon?) But even if one were to give such an interview, I'd expect it to have a little bit more to do with the deceased and not the person giving the interview, you know? But that could be just me.

She uses the same voice that she did on the 911 call. That is to say, one without urgency or feeling and completely devoid of compassion. Let's take it from the top. First, she brings up unspeculated about speculation. Apparently, she seems to think that people are/were speculating that she pushed the diminutive former child star down the stairs, causing the gash on his dome and the subsequent bleeding (which she couldn't deal with), hemorrhage and finally, death.

"And...me. I mean, I've had a lot of speculation out there. I've had a lot of people out there say, "Yeah. She pushed him. This and that." You know. People are so cruel. They don't even KNOW. I was UPSTAIRS. He was DOWNSTAIRS. How am I going to push him? You know. And that affected me more than anything because...the scrutiny that people come up with. They're just heartless. Why would I want to hurt my husband? Are you kidding?"

OK, so all about her. Let's talk about her comprehension of what Mr. Coleman's condition was at the time of his hospitalization and what his condition, perhaps, could have been if she had not made the decision to discontinue the life support methods.

"You know, the doctors told us that even if they had done surgery on him that he would have died. He would have bled to death during the surgery. And they said that even if they did take a chunk out of his brain, he would not be the same. He would basically be like Muhammad Ali. He wouldn't be...you know...I mean...he would have died sooner or later anyway from that. Because...you know, the brain...because it's so traumatic."

That statement seems a little bit rambly at best. If they did surgery, he would have died. BUT if they took a "chunk" out of his brain, he's be like Muhammad Ali. Um, last I checked, Muhammad Ali was alive. AND last I checked, Muhammad Ali had Parkinson's Disease. Is she saying that if he had the "chunk" removed from his brain, that it would have given him Parkinson's? I don't think that would have happened. I don't think that's what would have happened at all.

Then there's my favorite part. The "he would have died sooner or later anyway from that". From what, cupcake? From being like Muhammad Ali? Muhammad Ali is in his sixties. He seems to be fairly aware of what's going on around him. I don't think he speaks much, but he doesn't look miserable. But all of that is beside the point, really. The point is that you don't disconnect someone from life support because they would have died eventually. Yeah, we're all going to die eventually, that really shouldn't be a basis for deciding whether or not to remove life support.

But listen, we've talked about Gary enough in this interview. I mean, he's dead, right? Let's talk more about her and what she thinks that people think about her. (The fact that she thinks that people think about her at all shows a fair amount of delusion.)

"I don't want people to be too hard on me thinking that I had to pull the plug too early. He wouldn't have made it anyways, so his heart just would have given out. And I don't want people to sit there and think...I'm a BITCH! And that I didn't care about him. But, you know, be in my situation. I mean, look what happened with Terri Schiavo. I always think of her case. ALWAYS. When it comes to this. I mean...Gary was gone. His eyes were dilated. He wasn't...you know...he was..he was just gone."

He wouldn't have made it anyways? You know, because now it's about his heart. And for cryin' out loud, be in her situation! I mean, look what happened with Terri Schiavo, for God's sakes! She thinks about that always. ALWAYS. Wait. Always? You know how often I think of Terri Schiavo? Never. Even when her case was big in the news, it still didn't get a lot of thinking time out of me. But she thinks about her ALWAYS. OK, then. Is there more? Of course there is. Let's hear about some of her fonder memories.

"And you know, he's, he's, he's done a lot for me. He bought me a car. Which...he chose to do. Which I never asked him for. I thought was awesome. I thought it was very sweet of him to do that."

Perhaps you've noticed the absence of any sort of love in this whole thing. Perhaps you've noticed how completely detached this chick is from...well, everything. But then again, he bought her a car. That was very sweet. She didn't ask him to! That's something! Hey. Wait a minute. He bought her a car? She said in the 911 call that she didn't drive because of all of the seizures and stuff. What is with this chick? Oh, yeah. That's right. She married Gary Coleman. Enough said. For now.